No means no, maybe means no, only a (SOBER) yes means yes.

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Rape is a super loaded word. People are sometimes worried about using it, either because they know the person who forced them to have sex, or they aren’t sure that what happened was “technically” rape.

The truth of it is, if a person says “no”, or “I’m not sure”, or nothing because they are drunk or on any kind of drug, or anything other than a sober “yes”, it is rape.

There are lots of situations in which it seems like there is some gray area, especially at parties when both people are drinking or taking drugs. But you can always go back to that basic question: was there a sober “yes” on both sides? Otherwise, wait!

Besides the fact that it might be considered rape, sex under the influence of anything is going to put you at a higher risk for forgetting condoms, risking STIs, or having an unplanned pregnancy.

Rape doesn’t just happen at drunken parties, either. Here are some stats from a blog on

  • 73% of sexual assaults are committed by a non-stranger
    • 38% of rapists are friends or acquaintances of the victim
    • 28% are intimate partners of the victim
    • 7% are relatives of the victim
  • 6 in 10 rapes occur in the home of the victim, or in the home of a friend or relative of the victim.

Basically, we all need to keep it real, respect boundaries, and realize that only a sober “Yes” means yes.