Usher’s “Lovers & Friends” kept playing in my head as I woke up this morning. Crazy how a song could sum up my life so perfectly. I’ve known Sean since freshman year in high school when he moved across the street from me. We’ve been nothing but friends but after graduating from high school something changed. At a friend’s graduation party, we started talking and joking around like any other time we hang out, but as the night went on we started flirting and getting closer. Long story short, one thing led to another and for the past 2 months we have been having sex with no-strings-attached! We’re not dating, he’s not my boyfriend and we have no commitment to each other. It seems like a perfect deal but with the both of us going away to college this fall I’m not sure what’s happening to us...whatever that is.
Don’t get me wrong, I really liked this “Friends With Benefits” situation until I realized all the rules you have to follow! Rule #1: PROTECT YOURSELF! I know I should practice safe sex no matter who I’m with. I definitely can’t push a baby stroller around campus my freshman year in college! It’s not something I want right now and neither are any STDs. My risk of getting one only gets higher if myself or Sean decide to have multiple partners since we aren’t exclusive. So it’s OH SO CRUCIAL to protect myself both physically and mentally Especially since Sean is really just my sex buddy…or is he?
That leads me to Rule #2:Once you’ve gone there and you are sure you don’t want anything more, you have to keep your relationship in the bedroom. That’s right no going on a date, keeping it on the downlow and off facebook and twitter. Definitely can’t tweet ”Had too much fun with @Sean last night!” or else the whole world knows! I still don’t know how I feel about this with Sean.
Crazy thing is I would have invited Sean to come to the movies with my friends but I realized Rule #3: Don’t encourage friends and family to hang out with sex buddy. Yeah I know, from friend to sex buddy but somehow he doesn’t seem to fit in my social life anymore, especially when my friends start saying things like “Oh he’s cute, I really like him!” I definitely have to protect my heart, I mean it makes me feel a certain kind of way when I see him getting along so well with my friends and family and I’m still trying to figure it out.
Which brings up Rule #4: You can’t get mad if you see your sex buddy going out with someone else. Sean is NOT my boyfriend! Sooo if I see him on a date with another girl...he’s not cheating on me and vice versa. That can sometimes be hard to get through to myself. I haven’t seen Sean with anybody else and before it didn’t bother me a bit if he did. But lately… the thought of running into him on a date with someone else kinda scares me. Lets just say it’s made me think about a lot of things.
Rule #5: You really have to be sure if you want to go there with that person, especially if the person is someone close by. It’s convenient if they’re close, but after awhile I noticed how Sean may spend his time away from me too. One late night, I was on my way home from a movie with friends. As I drove home I noticed Sean’s car was gone and I couldn’t help but wonder where he might be.
Thus our final rule. Rule #6: BEWARE! Do not convince yourself the relationship is more serious than it is. Be real with yourself. False expectation will get you nowhere. Don’t get me wrong, there is always the possibility that one person or even both people start catching feelings. Honestly, You really can’t be sex buddies with somebody expecting that they might change their mind and want to be your boyfriend or girlfriend.
Thinking about all these rules and how our friendship has changed really makes me wonder if this is something I really want. I don’t know how I feel about Sean anymore and the only way to clear things up is to have a good honest conversation with my friend and see where things go. I think a good honest conversation with my friend is needed. I can’t time travel and undo what has happened and honestly I dont’ think I would. I did the best thing for me by using protection every time we did hookup. And talking to Sean would be the next best thing for me to do.
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Taylor