An interview with Dr. Mark Schuster, the author of Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids To Know About Sex (But Were Afraid They’d Ask)
By Valentina Cardenas, 17, Ramona Convent (Alhambra)
This interview contains frank information about teens and sex. After consulting with L.A. Youth’s teen staff and their friends at various schools, we prepared these questions to give teens the information they want to know, but might be afraid to ask. Our purpose is not to offend, but rather to help teens make informed decisions.
Dr. Mark Schuster, director of the UCLA/Rand Center for Adolescent Health Promotion, answered our questions about sex. His book for parents, “Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids To Know About Sex (But Were Afraid They’d Ask)” was published in 2003..
Who should take responsibility for birth control?
“Both. Well, it could be two men, it could be two women, and it could be a man and a woman. No matter which person you are in a relationship, I think it is everybody’s responsibility. The guy shouldn’t say ‘Well, it’s her job, she’s the one that can get pregnant, I don’t have to worry about this,’ because it’s his kid too. Likewise she shouldn’t say, ‘Well, you know, he’s the captain of the football team, you know, who am I to challenge him? He says that we don’t have to worry about these things.’ Everybody needs to take responsibility.”
When would be the proper time to put the condom on, like if the two teens are fooling around and then they put on the condom. Is this a bad idea?
“I would say, put the condom on, definitely before the penis goes into the vagina. You don’t want to sort of have intercourse, but then stop, put the condom on, and then keep going because of little bits of sperm and if there’s a disease, that can be transmitted right away.
Some people say “oh they’ll just put a condom on right at the end.” It takes an enormous amount of will power for the boy to pull out, and then put on a condom and keep going. He may ejaculate before he’s pulled out, which is one of the bigger problems with the withdrawal method of birth control. The idea that he’ll pull out before he ejaculates. But little bits of sperm have probably already gotten out and a lot of boys don’t really pull out when they plan to, and they just get caught up in the moment.
So, definitely before he plants his penis in the vagina, I would say really, I guess that’s the simplest, clearest answer. But you also don’t want the penis really close up to the vagina either, I mean there’s still little bits of sperm. Basically if the penis is getting near her vagina, it’s time to put the condom on.”
6. What do you mean when you state, using the condom properly?
“Well the main thing that people do wrong is not use it every time. So if you ask someone if they use contraceptives and they say yes and you say ‘Well what’s your contraceptive?’ and they say ‘Well condoms’ and you say ‘Do you use it every time’ and they’re like ‘No, but I use it 8 out of 10 times’ but there’s always those times when they don’t use it and they can get pregnant or catch a disease. The main thing is just to use it.
But there are all sorts of other things that are important:
- You don’t want to store it like in your glove compartment where it’s going to get really hot in the summer and melt.
- When you open a condom, you have to be careful not to rip the condom. If you do rip it, throw it away and use another one.
- There’s an expiration date on the little packet—make sure that it’s not expired.
- Always have at least several with you in case one breaks.
- It needs to be rolled down the proper way, there’s one way you can roll it and another way you can’t. If you put it on the wrong way, don’t just turn it over. If you do it wrong, throw it out and use another one.
The first time, it’s much better to have opened a condom when you’re not having sex, just to see what it’s like, see what it feels like, see what it’s like to open a package, how hard it is. That’s a much better way when you’re not all stressed out, or excited about having sex.
There are actually instructions on the condom packages that probably no one ever reads. There would be a lot fewer pregnancies and diseases if people actually read it. I don’t think adults read them either, maybe sometimes.”