Disagreements happen in normal relationships. What is important is HOW you and your partner talk with each other during these times. Everyone needs to learn how to deal with disagreement in a healthy way. Read these tips and talk with your partner about them. Use the tips the next time you have a disagreement.
Arguing or having disagreements with your partner should NEVER get physical. If you are being hurt physically, or hurting someone else, you CAN get the help you need. See the links below.
Environment: In the hallway in between classes, when you are around friends or family, during/after sex or at a party are bad places to talk. Good places are private and quiet so that you and your partner can feel comfortable talking about how you are each feeling.
One problem at a time: Try to talk about one disagreement or problem at a time. This will help you and your partner put your attention on one issue only and come up with a way to handle it that will work for both of you. Couples who try to talk about a lot of problems at one time usually get too angry and often feel hurt.
Talk as soon as you can: When you are feeling badly about something, let your partner know how you are feeling. This will prevent you from keeping your feelings inside for a while. When this happens, it is easy to get more and more hurt, angry or upset.
Use “I” statements: Instead of saying, “You make me feel…” or “you did...” or “you never…,” say “I feel hurt when…” Also, in addition to telling your partner how you feel, give your partner as much information as you can so that he or she will understand why you feel that way. Doing this will help you and your partner decide on what can be done so that the problem won’t happen again.
NO insults or name-calling! If you or your partner starts name-calling, it’s time to walk-away and cool-off. You are no longer communicating.
Apologizing and compromising: Relationships involve having to do both of these things, even the best of relationships. We can’t have everything our way all the time, and we all make mistakes. If you were wrong, admit it. Even if you didn’t mean to hurt the other person, you should still say you’re sorry. And compromising does not mean you give in to the other person; it means you find a solution that works for both of you.
Remember, verbal or physical abuse is NOT okay! Not sure what verbal or physical abuse is? Get more information and resources for help.
You can also visit the TeenSource.org "Healthy Relationships" special topic for more.