For a lot of young people talking about sex with a parent/guardian may feel like the most embarrassing experience. You might even be a bit scared or nervous to bring up a topic that you are interested in. But it’s important to remember, you can lead the conversation, and you have the right to quality information.
You don’t have to have the perfect conversation. You can take it one step at a time, and you get to decide what feels comfortable for you.
How Can I Prepare to Bring up the Topic?
There’s no right way to start a conversation about sexual health. Some people like to plan things out ahead of time, while others prefer to bring it up naturally in the moment/
Here’s a few ways to prepare.
- Think about what you want to ask or talk about.
- Write down questions ahead of time if that helps you organize your thoughts
- Pick a time and place where you’ll feel most comfortable
Some people prefer privacy, while others feel nervous in a public place like going for a walk or grabbing food together. Choose whatever helps you feel safest and most relaxed.
You could start with something simple like:
- “Hey, I’ve been having questions about my health and wanted to talk to you about it.”
- “Can we talk sometime? I’ve been curious about something.”
You can give your parents or guardians a heads up beforehand, so they have time to think about their response or find resources.
How do I ease into the conversation?
Starting can honestly be the hardest part. Sometimes it feels like ripping off a Band-Aid, it will be easier once the conversation gets going. Your parent/guardian might react with surprise or confusion too. They might have a lot of questions about what you are going to ask or where you’re coming from. That doesn’t automatically mean the conversation is going badly. Sometimes people just need time to process.
Here are some ways to make the conversation feel less intense
Bring up a TV Show/Movie/Book or Social Media
Talking about something you saw online in a show, or at school can make the conversation feel less direct. Instead of immediately talking about yourself, you can start with the topic itself. For example
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- “I saw a TikTok talking about birth control and realized I had questions.”
- “We talked about STIs in health class today and I wanted to know more.”
This can help parents understand that you’re trying to learn and make informed decisions.
Explain why you’re asking
Parents can sometimes get protective or jump to conclusions when sex comes up. Explaining why you’re asking can help calm assumptions and make the conversation clearer. Maybe you’re dating someone or you just want to know how to stay safe and healthy. You don’t have to share every detail of your life, but giving some context can help the conversation feel more grounded.
Be honest about your feelings
It’s okay to admit that you’re nervous. Naming feelings can actually make things less weird because everyone understands the tone of the conversation better. You could say:
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- “I’m kind of embarrassed talking about this.”
- “I’m nervous to bring this up, but I want to ask.”
Chances are you parents/guardians may feel awkward too.
Here are more tips:
- Be clear about what you want to talk about: The clearer you are, the easier it can be for your parent/guardian to understand what you need.
- Listen to their perspective too: You don’t have to agree with everything they say. But conversations usually go better when both people feel heard.
- Don’t put pressure on one big conversation: You don’t have to cover everything at once. Sometimes the best conversations happen over time. Bringing up smaller topics here and there can help everyone get more comfortable.
- It’s okay to pause the conversation: Big feelings might happen and are normal. If the conversation becomes overwhelming or upsetting, it’s okay to take a break and come back to it later.
What if I can’t talk to my parents?
Not every parent/guardian is comfortable talking about sex or relationships. Some may avoid the topic completely while others may react negatively because of their own beliefs or fears.
If talking about sexual health puts you in danger, gets you punished, or makes you feel unsafe, you don’t have to force the conversation. Your safety comes first.
Instead, you can reach out to another trusted adult like a relative, counselor, between friends, or a medical professional. Find a clinic near you.
In CA, young people have right to confidential sexual and reproductive health information and services. Including getting condoms, birth control. and STI tests without an adult present and you do not need their permission. That means you can still get trustworthy information and support, even if talking to your parents doesn’t feel possible right now.