The decision to have sex or not is yours, and yours alone. If you just had sex for the first time, or are considering having sex for the first time, there are important questions you should ask yourself. If you’re thinking about having sex with a new partner, these questions are still helpful for you. Sex is a big emotional event, and a big physical event. Asking some basic questions of yourself can help you decide if you’re ready.
Your values
- What are your moral feelings about sex? What are your parents’ feelings? Does religion influence your feelings?
- Do you feel you can or want to have a close relationship without someone without having sex?
- Do you feel you need to be in love with your partner before having sex?
- Do your values conflict with your decision to have sex? If so, you may not be ready.
Your partner
- Do both of you feel the same way, or is one of you pressuring the other?
- Can you talk with your partner honestly about your feelings towards sex?
- How will it change your relationship with your partner? How do you each expect it will change your relationship? Have you discussed this?
- If you feel pressured, or haven’t talked with your partner about your feelings about sex, you’re not ready.
Making sure you’re prepared
- Have you and your partner talked about preventing pregnancy, and prepared for this, like buying condoms?
- Have you and your partner talked about preventing STDs? Have you prepared? Have you both been tested for STDs and talked with each other about the tests and the results?
- If your partner doesn’t want to talk about pregnancy or STD prevention, he or she isn’t ready to have sex. Only when you care enough about each other’s feelings and physical health to protect each other, and you’ve made a plan to do that, is when you’re ready to have sex.
Never be embarrassed to:
- Say ‘no’.
- Talk to your partner about your feelings and about protection.
- Buy condoms or ask your healthcare provider about birth control.
Make a plan. Don’t leave yourself unprotected for pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections.