Ready or Not- Part One

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Leti* is a 15 year old, high school freshman. This is her story:

 

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Saul*, god that name, that man, just a thought and my body would shudder. He just had this something, I can’t even put my finger on what it was exactly that something was, but he had it. Wait, I know, it was his smile. He had this way of sort of peering out from under his baseball hat to look at you with his head tilted back and that smile, it really got to me.


I guess we started pretty chill like, sayin’ hi in between classes, makin’ small talk in study hall and before I knew it we were making out behind the bleachers. He told me he thought I was sexy, and I almost believed him.

 

I’ve always been what I would consider responsible. I always knew that when the time came for me to have sex, I would do it right. I would make the guy wear a condom, no question. I actually knew this girl who told me her boyfriend pulled out and in my head I was thinking this girl is an idiot, how hard is it to just wear a condom?  I told her that the pull out method was no guarantee for anything and you could still get pregnant like that, duh.

 

"I always knew that when the time came for me to have sex, I would do it right."

 


Fast forward a couple months and Saul tells me his parents will be out of town for not just the night but the whole weekend! They were going up to visit his older brother at school and he made some excuse about a nonexistent SAT class to get out of going.


He said he wanted it to be special, and I thought, ok, we are going to do this. When it came down to it, I asked him where the condoms were. He just looked at me with that stupid smile and said you know I love you, and that means we don't need a condom. I sort of tried to protest, but not really. Not in the lay down the law way that I had imagined. I let him do it without a condom. I made a huge assumption that he would be prepared, and wasn’t prepared myself.

 


So that’s what happened for my first time. We were totally reckless, even worse we actually did it twice like that! It didn't feel special and actually I felt like crap. I was so worried there might be a little mutant in my belly. I forced Saul to come with me to get the morning after pill, which I knew was good up to 5 days after sex, but I also knew it did nothing if you were already pregnant.

 

“I made a huge assumption that he would be prepared, and wasn’t prepared myself.”

 


He was not very cool about it; he didn't see why I was freaking out. I felt so dumb, I knew better than this, and I didn't stand up for myself. We kept fighting; he wasn’t down with using protection ever. I finally woke up and realized I can’t be with someone who doesn’t respect me enough to care about my decisions, so we broke up.


I was pretty devastated about the whole thing; it just wasn’t what I had imagined. I try to learn from every bad experience, and this one was no exception.  Thankfully the emergency contraception worked, but it’s not worth the risk. I could have gotten an STD! Condoms are the only form of protection that prevents pregnancy as well as protects against STD’s.  I haven’t had sex with anyone since, and I don’t see it happening anytime soon. I’m not afraid of it or anything but next time I have a few more requirements besides a cute smile when screening candidates. 

 

*Name changed for anonymity