We’ve all heard about the “friend zone.” It’s usually described as being stuck in a friendship when one person wants something more, like dating or hooking up, but the other person doesn’t feel the same way. That mismatch can create awkwardness, tension, and even hurt feelings.
But here’s the thing: the idea of the friendzone is actually the real problem.
When people say they’re “in the friend zone,” what they’re actually really saying is: I’m not getting the type of relationship I want, but also I also don’t want to accept the situation for what it is. Sometimes outside pressure like friends teasing you or society telling us rejection is shameful, makes it feel worse. But the truth is, being told “no” isn’t something someone does to you. It’s just a boundary they’re setting.
So how do you get out of the so called friendzone? By realizing it’s not real, and shifting how you think about it.
Take “No” for what it is
When someone says, “Let’s just be friends,” they mean, “I don’t want to date you.” Even if they still want you in their life as a friend, it’s still a “no” to romance. The question becomes: what kind of relationship do you want now?
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Be Honest about your intentions
Friendships are awesome, but they’re not the same as romantic relationships. If you stick around just hoping they’ll “change their mind,” that’s not fair to them or to you. If you want to be friends, commit to showing up as a real friend, not as someone waiting around for them to reverse their answer.
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Create healthy boundaries
It’s not always easy to shift from seeing someone as a crush to seeing them as a friend. You might need to set some boundaries to help with that.
- Maybe that means not hanging one-on-one for a while
- Or cutting back on late-night texting.
- Or being clear about what you are (and aren’t) comfortable with
Boundaries are normal, healthy, and help both people adjust. Let them know why you’re setting them, so it doesn’t come across as random or hurtful.
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Appreciate the friendship for what it is
Society often puts romantic relationships on a pedestal, but friendships are just as valuable. Friends give us joy, support, and belonging. Focusing on the positives of your friendship can help shift your mindset from what could have been to what is great right now.
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Open yourself up to new people
Sometimes the best way to move forward is to meet new people. You don’t have to stay friends with a crush if that feels too hard, that’s okay! Just be upfront about your feelings and what you need. And remember you can’t force someone to see you differently. The only thing you can control is your own actions, like choosing respect, honesty, and self-care.
The friend zone isn’t real. It’s just a story we tell ourselves when someone doesn’t return our feelings. Moving on doesn’t means you lost, it means you’re making space for relationships that are mutual, healthy, and fulfilling.