FAQ: My partner won’t wear a condom. What should I do?

Talking about condoms, birth control, sexually transmitted infections (STIs), or pregnancy before sex can feel awkward. A lot of people get nervous bringing it up because they don’t want things to feel “weird,” hurt someone’s feelings, or ruin the moment. Sometimes people even assume the other person already has condoms or that “it will probably be fine.” But if you’re thinking about having sex, or already having sex, you deserve to talk openly about your boundaries.

Using condoms is not doing too much. It’s caring about yourself and your partner. Learn more on TeenSource about barrier methods. Condoms are one of the best ways to help prevent STIs and lower the chance of pregnancy.

You always have the right to say:

• “I want to use a condom”
• “I’m not comfortable without one.”
• “No.”

Setting boundaries can be hard, especially if you really like someone or worry they’ll get upset. But healthy relationships make space for honest conversations even uncomfortable ones.

“My partner think I don’t trust them because I want to use a condom.”

Wanting to use condoms doesn’t mean you think your partner is lying or cheating. It just means you want to protect your health and feel safe. You could say something like: “It’s not about trust. Using condoms helps me feel less stressed and more comfortable.”

“My partner says we don’t need condoms because I’m on birth control.”

Birth control can be really effective for preventing pregnancy, but no method is 100% effective. Plus, birth control does not protect against STIs. Which is why it’s still important to use condoms, even when using another form of birth control.

“What if my partner takes the condom off without asking?”

If someone removes a condom during sex without your permission, that is not okay. This is sometimes called stealthing. In California, this is considered a civil offense and survivors can sue perpetrators. Consent means everyone knows what’s happening and agrees to it the whole time.

If someone ignores your boundaries, lies about using protection, or pressures you into something you didn’t agree with that can be considered as warnings signs in a relationship.

“What if I’m scared of how my partner will react?”

If bringing up condoms makes you feel anxious, or unsafe of your partner’s reaction, pay attention to that feeling. In healthy relationships, people can talk honestly without fear.

A caring partner may not always agree immediately, but they should still respect your boundaries and listen to your concerns.

“It’s not a big deal, just this once.”

Pressure is still pressure, even if it sounds causal. Repeatedly being persistent, guilt tripping, complaining, or acting annoyed until someone gives in is not respectful. Sex should never happen because someone feels worn down, uncomfortable, or afraid to say no.

Common condom excuses

• I’m clean, so we don’t need one.”

  • You could say: I’m glad you care about your health. Using condoms still helps me feel safe and comfortable. When was the last time you got tested?
    • If you haven’t been tested, you can go together to build more trust in your relationship. Find a clinic near you.

• “It ruins the moment.”

  • You could say: Taking a minute to use a condom won’t ruin anything. Feeling safe actually makes things better for me.

• “I don’t have condoms.”

  • You could say: Then let’s wait until we have one. We can still hang out or do other things.
    • Sex doesn’t always have to be penetrative. It can mean different things to people.  

The best sex happens when everyone feels safe and comfortable. Talking about condoms and safer sex might feel awkward at first, but it’s a normal and important part of relationships.

Planning ahead can help too, like carrying condoms if you think you might have sex. You can order free condoms on TeenSource. And remember protecting yourself is never something to feel embarrassed about. Your boundaries matter is all situations.