What is Consent?
Consent isn’t just about sex, it’s about respect. At its core, consent is clear, mutual agreement between people to engage in any kind of interaction, whether it’s sharing class notes or being intimate. It’s about saying yes freely, without pressure, confusion, or manipulation. In every situation, especially in sexual ones, consent must be enthusiastic, clear, and informed. That means both people are sober, fully aware, and in the right state of mind to make decisions together. Consent creates trust while still honoring boundaries and empowers everyone involved.
It is important that partners come to the agreement of sexual intercourse together. At any point, an individual has the right to say “no,” which should be respected b y their sexual partner.
Consent is essential regardless of the stage of the relationship, whether you’ve been together for a day, a year, or are married. It must be discussed before moving forward in any activity.
Why is consent important?
Consent is important as it ensures that all people having sex want to have sex. It puts a clear line into what is safe sex versus what is not.
Implied consent does not exist. All parties must express their interest and desire to have sex. If there is not an implicit “yes” or if someone is forcing sex upon another, it is considered sexual assault.
A person cannot consent under these circumstances:
- Intoxicated
- Asleep or unconscious
- Incapacitated by drugs or alcohol
- Agrees under pressure of intimidation or threat
- Unequal power dynamics
- Does not implicitly say yes
If you have had sex under these circumstances and wish to find help, click this link.
A person who is underage, which in California, is those under the age of 18, cannot legally consent to sex. However, even though legal consent may not be involved for those 17 and under, it is still imperative to receive consent from your partners.
“Yes Means Yes”
In 2014, California put in the “Yes Means Yes” Law, being the first state in the United States that puts a clear definition of when people agree to have sex. Before this law was enacted, many universities and institutions followed a “no means no” policy, which left a lot of ambiguity in sexual assault cases across the state.
This law instead requires “affirmative consent” meaning a “Yes” has to be clearly stated and can be taken back anytime during intercourse.
How to Give and Ask for Consent
In sex, communication is the most essential portion. Although some may feel awkward asking for consent or saying yes, there are many ways to ensure sex is consensual throughout.
Don’t be afraid to use direct language when asking for consent. You can ask by saying phrases such as “Is this okay?” or “Do you want to continue?” You want to ensure that you and your partner are both enjoying what you are doing, don’t be afraid to ask for affirmations that they are.
Although not as obvious as verbal cues, nonverbal cues are just as important. If your partner’s body language, tone of voice, or facial expressions seem off, don’t be afraid to stop what you are doing. Some signs of discomfort are flinching, wincing, pulling away, and tensing. Even if your partner does not want to voice their concerns, you should show that you care for what they want.
If there is any doubt that consent is not given, the most respectful course of action is to stop what you are doing. You will be able to have your moment that you both want at another time but you will not be able to change the past if what happened was not truly what you both want.
Conclusions
Overall, consent builds healthy relationships and self. Consent is built off of mutual respect, open communication, and respectful boundaries.